The Totally Real Cursed Video that will actually curse you if you watch it (cursed)
Foreword
The following was found by the California Police Department Penis Patrol™ in an apartment dorm room, after getting multiple complaints that "That room smells like a shit took a shit bro, you guys better get that shitty smell out dawg". Inside, the corpse of local Atheist and Fedora-Tipper, Cuthwald Mengele III. On his corpse were scratch marks that made out the phrase "GAY ADN FAGGOT" near the chest area, and "POOPY FACE" on the stomach. One of the most interesting samples of evidence in the crime scene was a My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic-themed diary hidden under his collection of semen-encrusted Rick and Morty Pornography. Mainly inside was him talking about his "epic" adventures as an Internet White Knight, but the last few pages contain his experience with a "cursed" VHS that has been theorized to have caused his gruesome death. The California Police Department Penis Patrol™ has given me exclusive access to the VHS tape because "I looked like I could keep a secret". Little do they know I'm a complete cunt who takes pleasure from other people being bamboozled by my devious, dastardly first impressions. But, before you watch the shitshow, i'd just like to say that I am in no way responsible for what may happen to you afterwards, but the California Police Department Penis Patrol™ is completely! #BlackLivesMatter
August 19th, 2017
Today, I went to my local Mickey Dee's to get some high-quality high-IQ Rick and Morty Szechuan Sauce with completely euphoric 40 piece Chicken McNuggets. It was the usual. The clerk called me a 'disgusting pig' who should 'fucking get over' that 'shitty adult swim show'. I couldn't believe what he was saying! But as I was about to unsheathe my Katana (bought from my trip to the import shop, i also got a kawaii miku hatsune doll ^_^), I was approached by a seemingly Schizophrenic man with one hand inside his pants offering me a VHS tape. When I asked why he would dare approach a true Genius (85 IS A REALLY HIGH IQ IN SOME PLACES OK?!) like myself, he just said 'WATCH THE FUCKIN' TAPE, IT HAS YOUR SHITTY CHINESE CARTOONS ON IT OR SOMETHIN'.', and ran away. Later, I studied the tape while enjoying my glorious McDonald's McRick and McMorty McMeal, and it said 'DING DING' in Comic Sans on the label. I'll investigate this further tomorrow.
August 20th, 2017
OK SO I WATCHED THE TAPE AND IT WAS REALLY FUCKING UPSETTING TO ME. IT STARTED WITH THIS FUCKING IDIOT WITH AN UNKNOWN ACCENT SAYING 'LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, GET READY TO FEAST YOUR EYES ON THE NEW JAY MILLER SHOW, WITH YOUR HOST, NEW JAY MILLER!' THEN THIS CUNT CAME ON THE SCREEN AND HE WAS SINGING ABOUT DING DINGS AND SEXUAL SHIT AND EVERYONE KNOWS I HAVE A HIGH-BROW SENSE OF HUMOR SO THAT REALLY OFFENDS ME DEEPLY THAT THIS FUCKING LOWLIFE WOULD JUST GO AND FUCKING IMPLY THAT I LIKED THAT SHIT, AND HE HAD THIS SMUG FUCKING SMILE WHILE IT HAPPENED. THEN A BUNCH OF RANDOM CRAZY SHIT HAPPENED THAT I CAN'T DESCRIBE AND IT ENDED AND I'M SO FUCKING PISSED OFF I'M GONNA RETURN IT TO THAT LOSER TOMORROW I'M REALLY TIRED NOW I THINK I'M GONNA SLEEP.
August 21st, 2017
Now I'm really freaked out. I went to the McDonald's today to return the VHS tape to the Schizophrenic guy, but he wasn't there. This absolutely has something to do with my viewing of the VHS tape and not him just not showing up.
August 22nd, 2017
Alright I think I'm ready to talk about something other than that tape. It's causing too much stresdsaptgngnodngodngodfngodfngoidngoidngngsnginspenispenispenis
The Video Itself
Don't say the Neckbeard's Faggot Diary didn't warn you enough already. Here it is, in full quality. It's pretty weird lol xdxdxxdxdxdxdxddxd